BEHAVIOR #12: Keep Commitments (pp. 215 - 221)

Have you ever been in a situation in which you were dependent upon someone else, you are trying to negotiate a mutually-beneficial agreement - - but you simply cannot get him or her to commit or agree to an action or outcome? Perhaps he says, "Yeah, that is interesting." Or perhaps she says, "Let's take a look at that." Or even, "Thanks for the information. We will want to think about that."

This technique of communication is called equivocating. It is a way that people can avoid making commitments. Napoleon Bonaparte was a believer that, "The best way to keep one's word is not to give it."

Leadership requires both the wisdom not to commit too soon, as well as the courage to take a stand, laying your trust credits on the line.  Behavior #12 is all about moving past indecision, fear or ambivalence into commitment.  "'Keep Commitments' is based on the principles of integrity, performance, courage and humility (and related to 'Talk Straight' and 'Deliver Results'.

Covey talks about trust deposits and withdrawals related to being late or on-time and even family commitments. Even though we don't like to think that our trust-behavior is being valuated, relationship math says that our actions do make deposits and withdrawals and we live in the wealth or poverty we have created through our behaviors.

Covey suggests the best way to build trust in a new relationship is to repeat this cycle: Make-Keep-Repeat over and over again until you have established a reputation as a person who keeps commitments.

BEHAVIOR #11: LISTEN FIRST (pp. 208 - 214)

Try this: Think back over your interactions with others during the past week, both at work and at home.  Think of a time when you did Listen First. How was that experience? What were the results? Now, think about a time when you spoke or responded without deeply listening (or understanding). How was that, comparatively? Do you even have any examples to compare?

"If there is any great secret of success in life, it lies in the ability to put yourself in the other person's place and to see things from his point of view." ~ Henry Ford

We're all very familiar with the advice to 'listen' (or actively listen, listen well, etc. as a leadership skill). Why the repeated emphasis on listening?

Understanding - Leadership ultimately means understanding people,
Respect - and then respecting them,
Mutual Benefit - and then trying to find a negotiated action that benefits both interests

Those are three pretty good reasons, I think.

I'm afraid the performance-driven, fast-paced, hamster wheel that we tend to be running on inhibits this sound but difficult piece of advice.

Challenge yourself - even today - to slow down to deeply listen in one conversation - asking clarify questions, mirroring back or asking for more information - before responding. Notice the difference.

BEHAVIOR #10: PRACTICE ACCOUNTABILITY (pp. 200 - 207)

It makes sense... clarify expectations, then ensure accountability for results.  Accountability & results obviously bear a lot of influence on whether or not people trust us.  We may not consciously be aware of it, but we all ask ourselves in relationships, "Is this person reliable? Do they do what they say they are going to do?" Again, there is often that gap between intentions and results.  Accountability is an intermediary mechanism for making sure the follow-through happens.

I love that Covey starts with the admonition to 'hold ourselves accountable.' This is a tie-in to his philosophy of starting with SELF-trust, becoming a person that you trust. Covey talks about looking both through the window (accountability for others) and the mirror (accountability for self).

In the discussion of accountability, Covey mentions the oft-too used behavior of shifting blame. That is the opposite of accountability. Some of you may be connecting the idea of accountability and responsibility with our ELI discussion on CITIZENSHIP. Citizens are those who take responsibility for the good of the whole group.

Arnold Glasnow once said, "A good leader takes more than their fair share of the blame and gives more than their share of the credit." What a great behavioral goal!

This book was written in 2006 and even back then, Covey found it relevant to mention the 'victimization' that has seized the American culture. How much stronger of a grip does it have now? Has the election put a magnifying glass on this mentality?

Covey rightly says that accountability is not just about holding ourselves responsible, but also others - especially, I'd say, if you are the boss, manager and would-be leader. It is our role and responsibility to step up and speak out if the wheels are out of alignment...or falling off. Research shows that employees WANT accountability - they want feedback, direction, affirmation. We all deep down want some sense of where we stand and how we can improve. It behooves everyone to have the tough conversations and help people get where they truly want to be - - competent and credible, producing results.

Covey suggests creating an environment of trust talks in your home and at work. This is aligned with our Ebco objective of becoming a feedback-seeking culture I believe. But, that requires trust. Can we build it in a deeper way through the great advice we're getting from this thought-provoking book?

Tips for Practicing Accountability:

* Hold yourself accountable.
* Hold others accountable.
* Take responsibility for results.
* Be clear on how you'll communicate how you're doing - and how others are doing.
* Don't avoid or shirk responsibility (especially the difficult conversations).
* Don't blame others or point fingers when something goes wrong.

BEHAVIOR #9: CLARIFY EXPECTATIONS (pp. 192 - 199)

Clarify Expectations

"Almost all conflict is a result of violated expectations." Blaine Lee

Do you agree?

The question is posed in this chapter, "How much 'poor performance' is really due to a lack of clarity around what is expected? And what is the effect of all of this on trust?" (p.193)

This trust-enducing behavior is based on the principles of clarity, responsibility and accountability.  The opposite of clarifying expectations is to leave expectations undefined, assuming they are already known (or not having clarity on them yourself). There must be a shared vision of the desired outcome - and as we know from our leadership consultant friend Patrick Lencioni... communicate and over-communicate the desired outcome (mutual goals). You cannot over-communicate.

Remember, repetition is the mother of all learning, but there are other checks and balances to make sure that you are using the best communication method for the situation. If anyone is interested in this topic, let me know!

Does your team know what results are expected? Deadlines? Budget constraints? Expected behaviors on the job? Without accountability, all of our great education, communication, preparation, sales efforts, support structures and initial capital layout has gone to waste. The final results - including the excellent quality of those results - are too important not to clarify expectations.

Covey makes the very good point that communication is NOT easy. Just because you think you have communicated, doesn't mean you have. You may have just said something.

As Alan Greenspan so (clearly?) put it:  “ I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Why do we have to go to the trouble to clarify when we communicate? Because disappointed expectations are the underlying reason for most trust issues.

Marshall Thurber once said, "Clarity is power." 

I found this point interesting, but not really surprising: The number one reason for unethical behavior at work is unrealistic expectations! The point is made that people have to be given the chance to push back against expectations in order to find a place that works from both points of view.

Covey's formula for clarifying expectations:
1) quantify everything! What results? By whom? By when? At what cost? How will we measure it? 
2) honor the fast-cheap-right rule: You can usually pick TWO or else one will be compromised. Covey's proviso on this is that you can have all three only if you have high-trust! Something to think about!

Let's hear what you thought about this important behavior in teams!

BEHAVIOR #8 CONFRONT REALITY (pp. 185 - 191)

Confront Reality:

* Take issues head on, even the "undiscussables" (especially the un-discussables"?)
* Address the tough stuff directly.
* Acknowledge the unsaid.
* Lead out courageously in conversation
* Remove the "sword from their hands."
* Don't skirt the real issues
* Don't bury your head in the sand

To me, these admonitions are all one in the same: be courageous in conversation!

Confronting reality might be one of the hardest and most rewarding courageous acts of the leader.

In Jim Collins' seminal work Good to Great, he quotes U.S Admiral James Stockdale who gained true leader status as a POW in Vietnam: "You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

Covey shares the story of Anne Mulcahy, CEO of Xerox, having to face hard decisions when debt was up, stock price and morale were down. She shut down a division, the changed the cost structure, resolved an accounting scandal (NBD, right?), and transitioned the product and service line. Mostly, she was admired for telling the unpopular truth. Of course, the opposite of CONFRONTING reality is to IGNORE reality - the path of least resistance, at least in the short-term.

When we do ignore the difficult issues, people see us in two ways:
1) lacking character or
2) lacking competence
I don't know about you, but I don't want my hard-won efforts to develop myself undermined because I was cowardly when facing hard issues. It's not worth the loss - or the net zero sum (they cancel each other out).

Confronting Reality does impact SPEED and COST.  "First, it builds the kind of relationship that facilitate open interaction and fast achievement.  Second, instead of having to wrestle with all the hard issues on your own while trying to pain a rosy picture for everyone else, you actually engage the creativity, capability, and synergy of others in solving those issues."

Popularity, comfort, saving face are all reasons why people don't confront reality. BUT, according to Covey, small problems only become big problems when not confront. Rip off the band-aid and do what you need to do, is the message. And we're reminded, we can confront reality and still never lose faith.

BEHAVIOR #7: GET BETTER (pp. 177 - 184)

This chapter is really the essence of what a growth mindset is all about...and incidentally, what the Ebco Learning Initiative is all about. We are seeking ways to be intentional about continuous learning at work, whether that is through learning practical skills or new ways of thinking and being that impact Ebco culture. I appreciate each of you that takes time to read, reflect and try out some of these recommendations from research and practitioners. Every small change can lead to big impact.

Alvin Toffler, American writer and futurist, is best known for his musing on how technology is changing the face of communication. He said, "The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. You've got to think about big things while you're doing small things, so that all the small things go in the right direction. Knowledge is the most democratic source of power."

I love what Toffler implies about needing to continually reinvent ourselves. If you're like me, I feel like even keeping up to date in my industry is like trying to drink out of the firehose. Not only do we need to consume large amounts of information, we need to be considering how our skills meet the demands of the 21st century company. As soon as we rest, we are becoming outdated. I suspect you can each relate to this pressure!

Bryan Dodge emphatically challenged us to read and to read a lot. Covey agrees with this leadership practice. Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul) is known to read one book a day! Bill Gates, Fred Smith and Mary Kay Ash have remained relevant throughout the course of long successful careers by staying current.

"'Get Better' is based on the principles of continuous improvement learning and change." (p. 178)

How are we doing as a learning organization?

I think there is a case for learning incidentally (as job challenges demand that we react and solve problems) as well as learning intentionally (setting aside time to think about particular areas of study and improvement that we should be learning). Is your personal learning strategy proactive or reactive?

This chapter brings us full circle to what we have already agreed is a critical component of becoming a highly effective organization: seeking feedback!

Covey states, "Seeking and effectively utilizing feedback are vital to quality improvement...Appropriately seeking feedback and acting on it is the hallmark of learning, growing, innovating company." (p. 181)

There are a few companies that have been implementing a cultural framework called DDO = the Deliberately Developmental Organization.  They create structures and processes that make sure they are always challenging themselves from within and acting on the feedback they receive.  You will remember that the Desire for Competence is one of the 8 core human motivators. These organizations are tapping into that desire to leverage the innate beauty of what people bring to work.

"Deep alignment with people's motive to grow means fashioning an organizational culture in which support to people's ongoing growth and development is woven into the daily fabric of working life, visible in the company's regular operations, day-to-day routines and conversations." (Kegan, Lahey, Miller, Marcus, Fleming). I am including a link to an insightful overview of this approach to organizational learning: http://www.vizenllc.com/wp content/uploads/2015/07/TheDeliberatelyDevelopmentalOrganization.pdf

Here are three principles related to the DDO approach:

Home - the secure environment that allows employees to communicate honestly.
If we are to become a veritable feedback-seeking culture, we have to create an environment where it is acceptable and common practice to give honest feedback. This is why we are examining the topic of trust in relationships.

Edge - the developmental changes that employees push each other to recognize & achieve.
For instance, one practice these organizations have is to continually rotate employees to different positions once they get comfortable. This is so counterintuitive, that we balk at creating intentional change. DDO's believe disruption promotes growth.

Groove - the range of practices that consistently reinforce the safety of "home" and the push toward the edge. Groove is institutionalizing processes that make continual change an every day part of the organization, not just a teaching or good idea or one-time speech by an executive. How are we ensuring that we hold ourselves accountable to getting better?

Learning from mistakes and encouraging risk-taking are natural parts of an organization that has adopted learning as a lifestyle. Mistakes are encouraged, not discouraged. As Covey says, "Most often, in fact, it is the failures that bring about the breakthroughs and insights...Smart leaders create an environment that makes it safe to make mistakes."

What about you? What do you take from this chapter?

BEHAVIOR #6 DELIVER RESULTS (pp. 172 - 176)

And...we're back!

The next few behaviors are based on a leader's competence. For this week, we're reflecting on the ability to deliver results and getting better.

Delivering results may very well be the area of business activity that business owners fixate on more than any other. After all, if we are not setting and regularly achieving our intended goals, we are a business lost at sea. Covey makes the important distinction between "activity" and "results". And this is critical.  In his experience, he learned to look for people who were "short on talk, long on delivery".

Covey gives the example of the business division of the Covey Leadership Center that was not really contributing revenue to the bottomline. He took a hard stance and set a difficult but achievable goal to make the division profitable within 6 months. However, after a bit of time, the team responsible for the results protested that the goal was unachievable. Covey did not waver. He held his ground and inspired his team to meet the stated goal. And they did!

Many times we need an outside force or entity to hold us to that higher standard of delivering results.

In some cases, we get fatigued from the number of problems we have and we dilute our energy across many goals so that none get accomplished. In other cases, we simply need the pressure of a deadline to force our brains to be more creative in solving problems. And in another case, (as Lencioni shared with us in ELI about his social influence theory) we simply need the pressure that others are watching and observing us and expecting us to produce.

And important point that Covey makes is his own personal definition of leadership = getting results in a way that inspires trust. With this qualifier, I think he would say that getting results at the expense of relationships or by compromising integrity is not appropriate. Insults, ignoring people or issues, coercion, lying, minimizing another person and other tactics may well get results - but not in a way that inspires trust.

Covey's summary of recommendations for this trust-building behavior:
* Establish a track record of results
* Get the right thing done (not just some things)
* Make things happen (be the change catalyst, take initiative and responsibility)
* Accomplish what you're hired to (be accountable to your job description, team, manager)
* Be on time and within budget (these are two standing constraints for all professionals)
* Don't over-promise and under-deliver
* Don't make excuses for not delivering results

What was significant to you in this section?

BEHAVIOR #5 SHOW LOYALTY (pp. 165 - 171)

"It's been my experience that the people who gain trust, loyalty, excitement, and energy fast are the ones who pass on the credit to the people who have really done the work.  A leader doesn't need any credit...He's getting more credit than he deserves anyway." - says Robert Townsend, former CEO of Avis.

Agree? (I'm not sure that I 100% do, but I get the gist of what he is saying).

This behavior...showing loyalty... shows up in several ways:
* Give credit freely
* Acknowledge the contributions of others.
* Speak about people as if they were present.
* Represent others who aren't there to speak for themselves.
* Don't bad-mouth others behind their backs.
* Don't disclose others' private information.

I see this behavior as a discipline of the tongue and the heart.

"I really don't feel comfortable talking about this person like this when he/she is not here. If we have a concern, let's go talk with him/her." Really, this habit is about considering how you would want to be talked about in your absence. We've all been on both sides. This is a great reminder.

I especially love Covey's heart toward honoring family. "Make it a rule to never talk about family members in negative ways.  Be thoughtful about how you talk with your partner about family members, including children.  Catch your children doing things right - and share your excitement about their good deeds." This could be said of spouses, siblings, extended family, crazy Uncle Charlie...

Do you ever think about the standard of accountability and scrutiny the Covey family must live under as the voice of moral behavior in the last couple of generations? Just a thought.

BEHAVIOR #4 RIGHT WRONGS (pp. 158 - 164)

I have to admit, the ridiculous story of Stephen dumping the water over his nephew's head at the basketball game had me amused. But this behavior itself had me sweating it a little. Eating humble pie is no fun. I think most of us would rather brush a mistake we made under the rug rather than have to apologize or much less, make amends for it! "Right Wrongs is more than simply apologizing; it's also making restitution. It's making up and making whole.  It's taking action.  It's doing what you can to correct the mistake...and then a little more." I love the point he makes about apologizing quickly!

The opposite is to deny or justify your wrongs, to rationalize wrongful  behavior or failing to admit wrongly behavior.

The counterfeit is to cover up.  it is trying to hide the mistake, as opposed to repairing it.

I really wish I could come up with an example of when I have righted a wrong and share it with you. Shamefully, nothing comes to mind! I think I'd better take a serious look at adopting this behavior. I can very much see how admitting wrongs would build trust and even more so, making restitution.

He says that righting wrongs can impact the bottomline. "People stay mad when they're owed an apology and don't get one." And gives the example of doctors being sued more when they don't admit they've made a mistake.

Covey said that many of the stories he hears about situations were wrongs were 'righted' come from employees that have observed their leaders doing the right things.  "In other words, the trust-inspiring behavior of the leaders in these organizations has become an organizational symbol.  This is yet another example of the geometric growth that impacts the speed of trust: when you build trust with one, you build trust with many."

As an aside, at times, it seems like many of these behaviors can have me thinking in a negative direction (how did I fail or how did someone fail me). Man, let's not get caught up in that, yeah? Let's read from the perspective that these are reminders of 'how to be awesome' knowing that we do better on some days than others. I appreciate anyone who is undertaking the brave work of facing these behaviors head-on with honesty and resolve!

BEHAVIOR #3 - CREATE TRANSPARENCY (PP. 152 - 157)

"The only way to build trust professionally and personally is by being trustworthy.  I hope I'm living up to that standard."  Gerard Arpey, American Airlines CEO, worked hard to be transparent after taking the helm from Donald Carty who had hidden executive perks into a proposed financial package that would simultaneously cut worker wages. One secretive selfish leader followed by one sincere transparent leader. Which do you think built trust?

Behavior #3 is about being open, being real, being genuine, telling the truth in a way people can verify.

Consider the words: transparent (light passes through) and opaque (something is concealed, blurry, vague).

Covey makes the point that the counterfeit of transparency is to pretend like you're being honest, open and authentic when you're actually obscuring some fact, reality or feeling. Can you think of any companies in recent business news that have obscured some internal reality only to their demise?

"Particularly when trust is low, people don't trust what they can't see.  By opening things up, you assure people that there's nothing to hide."

Summary of Behavior #3: Create Transparency
* Tell the truth in a way people can verify
* Get real and genuine
* Be open and authentic
* Err on the side of disclosure
* Operate on the premise of "what you see is what you get"
* Don't have hidden agendas
* Don't hide information

BEHAVIOR #2 - DEMONSTRATE RESPECT (pp. 144 - 151)

I really appreciated the story in this chapter (p. 146) about the business school professor who asked the students on an exam who the janitor was.  His justification was this: "Most of you dream about being the president and CEO of a successful company.  But success is a team effort.  A good leader takes nothing for granted and recognizes the contributinos made by everyone on the team - even those people who appear to do themost insignifcant jobs." In that spirit, I wanted to share the core value of teams & respect with you from Ebco's Philosophy Statement (with credits to MOOG Corporation)

We Are Members of One Team and Will Treat Each Other With Respect

We are all in this together. Even though we rely on an individual’s competence, success in our company is a team effort.  We cannot operate as a collection of individual contributors.  Everyone is expected to collaborate when it’s required.  People are expected to develop the relationships that are so crucial to having team success.  We expect that everyone is motivated to achieve success for the Company as a whole as you experience your own individual success.

Success in our company is a team effort

For the team to operate effectively, each individual has to take responsibility for achieving his or her part of the desired outcome.  Sometimes these responsibilities may even seem to fall beyond the normal boundaries of one’s job.  In our Company, if something needs to be done, people “step-up” and get it done whether or not it’s formally part of their job.  At EBCO, people don’t say, “it’s not my job.”  Rather they say, “It’s all my job.”

At all levels, people in our Company are given lots of responsibility and lots of independence.  The Company provides a framework, with goals, from which to operate but we trust people and we presume that folks are going to meet their responsibilities with little or no direction or supervision.  We believe that if people need help, they’ll ask for it.  We’re proud of the fact that, in many instances, we provide people the opportunity to try, to fail, to learn, and to grow.

We look for solutions, not scapegoats.  In all companies, things sometimes go wrong.  Shipments are late, designs are wrong, bills don’t get paid.  In many companies, when these events occur, the tendency is to find out “who’s at fault” and then blame that person or people.  In our company, it’s much more important to figure out how we’re going to solve the problem, than it is to assign blame.  When a problem occurs, we treat it as a learning experience, and work together to craft a mutually agreeable solution.  We behave this way whether we’re dealing with other EBCO employees, customers, or suppliers.

Communication – Complete, honest and open – is crucial. Communication involves not only telling and talking, but also listening.

Covey gives many examples of respect throughout this behavior. Respect shows up in a lot of different ways. Saying 'please', 'thank you' and 'excuse me', a warm smile, shaking hands, eye contact, returning phone calls and emails, not interrupting are common courtesies.  Surprisingly these common courtesies are not as common as they used to be. Did you know there is an entire cottage industry springing up helping the corporate world regain their sense of etiquette in dealing with one another. Check out this interesting treatment of the subject by Giovanella Gonthier.  https://www.amazon.com/Rude-Awakenings-Overcoming-Civility-Workplace/dp/079315197X

"What creates trust, in the end, is the leader's manifest respect for the followers." James O'Toole

"While 'Demonstrate Respect' may come across as a 'soft' behavior to some, I contend that it absolutely has a direct relationship to trust and therefore to the bottomline." (p. 149)

Summary: Behavior #2 - DEMONSTRATE RESPECT

* Genuinely care for others

* Show you care

* Respect the dignity of every person and every role

* Treat everyone with respect, especially those who can't do anything for you.

* Show kindness in the little things.

* Don't fake caring (or at least behave your way to sincerity)

* Don't attempt to be 'efficient' with people

I will post a second post for this week on the 3rd BEHAVIOR