Hey guys...great trial run last week, I really enjoyed reading your takeaways. I think we'll get into a rhythm with this. I had thought Blogger would email ya'll when someone had posted or responded to your comment, but apparently it doesn't. So, you might want to check the blog from time to time for additional comments. Remember, the link is www.eliteaming.blogspot.com.
You Can Do Something About This!
This section opens with Stephen describing his dad assigning him stewardship over their yard as a young seven year old. Dad's instructions were to keep the lawn "green" and "clean" however he saw fit to accomplish those two deliverables. Dad set the expectation, demonstrated what he meant by both "green" and "clean", he absolved himself of responsibility - except that of an occasional assistant if needed - and set up a system for accountability (walking the property twice a week).
As the story goes, at test time, young Stephen didn't exactly pass with flying colors. The yard was brown and littered with trash. With one short lesson in accountability - and Dad providing the promised assistance - Stephen began to step into his new role as lawn caretaker. Apparently, the takeaway for Dad was teaching responsibility, but the takeaway for Son was learning the pleasure of gaining dad's trust . "I wanted to show him that I was capable and responsible. My father had extended trust to me, and that inspired me and created a sense of responsibility and integrity that has stayed with me throughout my life."
Booker T. Washington sums up this story so nicely: "Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him."
Covey says that trust is one of the most powerful forms of motivation and inspiration. I have felt that. I am sure you have too. We talked about 8 Core Human Motivators (Desires) in ELI last year. One of them was Competence. One was Ownership. One was Power. One was Recognition. I wonder how many of these desires are fulfilled simply by being trusted by someone in a position of authority or in partnership with us.
Covey states that trust requires both character and competence. Perhaps people have historically thought trust comes mostly from character (integrity, motive, intent with people) but he makes the equally valid point that people trust us when we utilize our capabilities and skills to get results and build a track record. Great point!
What made you all think in this chapter or was a new idea?
To be perfectly honest, I've never taken the time to think about what trust is, where it comes from or how it works. To understand that trust comes from character and competence really makes it tangible and measurable to me, whereas before it just WAS. I hope that makes sense. At the end of the section on Self Trust the author says, "The end result of high character and high competence is credibility, judgement and influence." I think that basically sums up what every one of us is trying to achieve. I am really enjoying this book!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm loving it too, Denice. I love the idea of trust being a BOTH-AND: character AND competence. But I also think to myself, we're all flawed and make mistakes. Can't we be trusted as flawed human beings?
DeleteThe "see, behave, speak" paradigm brought to mind a quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer, "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I have found this to be true; from how you perceive yourself to how you view other people/situations.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the other waves of trust, I agree that one affects the other. Personal and professional relationships have an impact on self trust and vice versa. Having a spouse/friend/employer that you trust, and is viewed by others as trustworthy, builds more confidence and self trust. I have found when I trust myself - my instincts, my capabilities - I am viewed as trustworthy and capable, which generates more self trust. Someone once told me, if you don't trust yourself, how can you expect others to trust you?
Thanks, Chanyn. I like what you said. "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." This reminds me of a conversation we had last year in ELI that came from the book "Thanks for the Feedback." When we have a conflict (with a person or a situation), we are served well to take 3 steps back and consider:
Delete1) The relationship system - it's not you OR me, but you AND me together in a relationship system that creates a certain dynamic
2) The role clash - could it be that conflict arises from the nature of the roles that we are called to fulfill at work or home? The engineer emphasizes quality of design; the salesman needs speed of production. These create an inherent clash.
3) The system view - there might be multiple variables at play that are broader than you are considering. Are weight issues caused by lack of discipline? Or, could heredity, access to healthy foods, knowledge of nutrition, global distribution factors, disease, psychological factors, activity environment, discretionary funds also play into the cause.
The charge to me is - step back, think bigger.
In Jodi's summary remarks she mentions the quote in this reading from Booker T. Washington -"Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him." This is so powerful. I can recall many instances in my "developing years" where trust was extended to me by my Father and by my boss - and it inspired and created a sense of responsibility. My first employer in my teenage years was a gruff man - but he extended trust. And I learned responsibility because of that. I think we all still feel this even today as adults. Very interesting to me to start to understand "how trust works".
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